Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, January 29, 2007
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
David Phelps' Christmas Music
I love David Phelps and his music. When I listen to him sing, my heart is full, I cry and I feel as good as anyone can feel. His music is classified as Gospel and Christian and it's good!This man has the most amazing voice of anyone I've ever heard and it's even better seeing and hearing him live. Here are some Christmas songs he sings that are a must listen!! While you're there, listen to all his music. He offers his music free on his website. You must also watch the videos. This man will move and inspire anyone... Be prepared to cry and be moved!
Make sure you have Real Player
This one single song- it's like David is describing me... Just As I Am
That link has a typo on the website, so if it doesn't work, email me. It should work since I have it correctly linked from here.
Want more? I thought so! Head on over to David Phelps' Site and click Media. I promise you will not be disappointed!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
This is a perfect example of the need for an animal shelter
This made my blood boil!
Adopt your pet out for the hell of it!
These pet owners 'have to go out of town', can't afford boarding costs, or whatever their reasons are, so they opt to adopt out their pet. Happy Thanksgiving to our Wiregrass Area pets!
All the shelters around here are grossly underfunded, understaffed, yet are constantly bombarded with more and more animals being dropped off. This will be a lifelong dream- unless I hit the lottery- but this is how I would run an animal shelter: First off, it would be on 20+ acres- not the measly few acres all the shelters here are on. This allows for plenty of kennel space, free play space outside, training areas inside, veterinarian space and much more. All animals would have their own climate controlled rooms- just like a hotel. They would have a door to the outside which would remain accessible to the outdoors at all times. This would help prevent accidents and would afford the animals much needed relief. FREE vet care and spaying/neutering for those who cannot afford it.
Too often, my pets have died because a vet wanted enourmous amounts of money upfront before they would even see my pet. Fuck that. I believe life is much more important than money and I'm prepared to prove it. Of course, I also believe that people who have pets should be able to provide reasonable care for their animals. I also realize- because I'm living proof- that circumstances can and do change literally overnight and that some people may be in a situation temporarily where they cannot afford even a bag of cheap dog food. No problem- come to my shelter, explain your situation and you'll get what you need. Bigger plus if you can volunteer to help an hour or more per week, but I still wouldn't turn anyone in need away.
Conditional boarding. What this means is, if you have a pet whom you cannot afford to keep for awhile until you get back on your feet, I'll board it free of charge provided you follow a few simple guidelines. They would include visiting your pet at least once a week to maintain the bond, helping out one or more hours per week at the shelter, and signing a timeframe agreement when you believe you could reclaim your pet. If someone needs help for 6 months, they got it and that pet would not be offered for adoption during that time. Regular boarding services, training, grooming and vet care, all paid services but for much less than a greedy business.
My goal is twofold: maintain a modest yet decent living for myself and my family while giving unwanted animals a chance for a decent life as well. I swear if I hit the lottery, my shelter would be in demand across the country. I have the desire and committment, I just lack the resources which is fucked up since the need is significant here. I need one of those fortune 500 people who will never spend a fraction of their millions to donate a few million to realize this dream.
*Sigh* It's a dream and always will be. Animals simply are not important enough in the world. In the meantime, I'm headed out to apply for some $2 an hour jobs. I called the housing authority today. I CAN take Dixie with me, and my rent will be 30% of all my income, which, since my income is currently $265 a month, my rent would be $80 a month. I don't know if I have to pay for power or not, but this would be a huge help anyway. Only trouble is, their first appointment isn't until December 11th, so I have to come up with rent here for another month. I do have a cleaning job for a few hours tomorrow, plus Mo will be back next week, but it's pennies compared to what I need. I checked into my unemployment.
My old job did something to fuck with my benefits. They reported me earning like $1,000 in the past 10 years or similiar. I just called to check on it again and he said they have an investigation into my earnings going on and that it could take weeks. Can't ANYTHING be just a little easy for me?
I'm expected to just roll with all this shit, 'hang in there' , keep trying, don't give up even when all this negative bullshit keeps happening. When I am trying with everything I have and nothing works out, even though I'm asking for very little, it's very difficult to keep going. Very. I got the list from WalMart about their precription plan. None of my meds are on the list so that doesn't help. I keep after the front office here about a job. They won't hire me, yet they continue to bug me for their deposit. ???
I applied at that gas station and a restaurant a stones throw from here. Haven't heard anything but it hasn't been long either. Honestly, I do not have the energy for an 8 hour McDonalds or similiar job. I did that job as a teen and was exhausted. Now, I clean for 2-3 hours around here and am so tired I'm physically ill. That's only happened in the past year or so. I could do 8 hours at my other job because it wasn't exactly labor intensive, only brain intensive and we had to remain in the supply room most of the time. These brain shocks are starting again. I've been at my business since 9 this morning, and stopped for a sandwich and a few games of gin. Otherwise, I've been on the phone taking care of stuff, or trying to. I've gotta update my info at the Alabama job website, and then I think I'm through for today.
Honestly, when tomorrow comes, I don't know in which direction to turn. I've completed everything expected of me and been around town pitching jobs for myself but it's like I have this (it feels like) sign on my forehead that screams MENTALLY ILL NUT!! DON'T HIRE! No one seems interested in what I have to offer.I wonder if I'm so down on life now that I'm projecting it for everyone to see. For fucks sake, I just want a damn job. That's all.
Adopt your pet out for the hell of it!
These pet owners 'have to go out of town', can't afford boarding costs, or whatever their reasons are, so they opt to adopt out their pet. Happy Thanksgiving to our Wiregrass Area pets!
All the shelters around here are grossly underfunded, understaffed, yet are constantly bombarded with more and more animals being dropped off. This will be a lifelong dream- unless I hit the lottery- but this is how I would run an animal shelter: First off, it would be on 20+ acres- not the measly few acres all the shelters here are on. This allows for plenty of kennel space, free play space outside, training areas inside, veterinarian space and much more. All animals would have their own climate controlled rooms- just like a hotel. They would have a door to the outside which would remain accessible to the outdoors at all times. This would help prevent accidents and would afford the animals much needed relief. FREE vet care and spaying/neutering for those who cannot afford it.
Too often, my pets have died because a vet wanted enourmous amounts of money upfront before they would even see my pet. Fuck that. I believe life is much more important than money and I'm prepared to prove it. Of course, I also believe that people who have pets should be able to provide reasonable care for their animals. I also realize- because I'm living proof- that circumstances can and do change literally overnight and that some people may be in a situation temporarily where they cannot afford even a bag of cheap dog food. No problem- come to my shelter, explain your situation and you'll get what you need. Bigger plus if you can volunteer to help an hour or more per week, but I still wouldn't turn anyone in need away.
Conditional boarding. What this means is, if you have a pet whom you cannot afford to keep for awhile until you get back on your feet, I'll board it free of charge provided you follow a few simple guidelines. They would include visiting your pet at least once a week to maintain the bond, helping out one or more hours per week at the shelter, and signing a timeframe agreement when you believe you could reclaim your pet. If someone needs help for 6 months, they got it and that pet would not be offered for adoption during that time. Regular boarding services, training, grooming and vet care, all paid services but for much less than a greedy business.
My goal is twofold: maintain a modest yet decent living for myself and my family while giving unwanted animals a chance for a decent life as well. I swear if I hit the lottery, my shelter would be in demand across the country. I have the desire and committment, I just lack the resources which is fucked up since the need is significant here. I need one of those fortune 500 people who will never spend a fraction of their millions to donate a few million to realize this dream.
*Sigh* It's a dream and always will be. Animals simply are not important enough in the world. In the meantime, I'm headed out to apply for some $2 an hour jobs. I called the housing authority today. I CAN take Dixie with me, and my rent will be 30% of all my income, which, since my income is currently $265 a month, my rent would be $80 a month. I don't know if I have to pay for power or not, but this would be a huge help anyway. Only trouble is, their first appointment isn't until December 11th, so I have to come up with rent here for another month. I do have a cleaning job for a few hours tomorrow, plus Mo will be back next week, but it's pennies compared to what I need. I checked into my unemployment.
My old job did something to fuck with my benefits. They reported me earning like $1,000 in the past 10 years or similiar. I just called to check on it again and he said they have an investigation into my earnings going on and that it could take weeks. Can't ANYTHING be just a little easy for me?
I'm expected to just roll with all this shit, 'hang in there' , keep trying, don't give up even when all this negative bullshit keeps happening. When I am trying with everything I have and nothing works out, even though I'm asking for very little, it's very difficult to keep going. Very. I got the list from WalMart about their precription plan. None of my meds are on the list so that doesn't help. I keep after the front office here about a job. They won't hire me, yet they continue to bug me for their deposit. ???
I applied at that gas station and a restaurant a stones throw from here. Haven't heard anything but it hasn't been long either. Honestly, I do not have the energy for an 8 hour McDonalds or similiar job. I did that job as a teen and was exhausted. Now, I clean for 2-3 hours around here and am so tired I'm physically ill. That's only happened in the past year or so. I could do 8 hours at my other job because it wasn't exactly labor intensive, only brain intensive and we had to remain in the supply room most of the time. These brain shocks are starting again. I've been at my business since 9 this morning, and stopped for a sandwich and a few games of gin. Otherwise, I've been on the phone taking care of stuff, or trying to. I've gotta update my info at the Alabama job website, and then I think I'm through for today.
Honestly, when tomorrow comes, I don't know in which direction to turn. I've completed everything expected of me and been around town pitching jobs for myself but it's like I have this (it feels like) sign on my forehead that screams MENTALLY ILL NUT!! DON'T HIRE! No one seems interested in what I have to offer.I wonder if I'm so down on life now that I'm projecting it for everyone to see. For fucks sake, I just want a damn job. That's all.
Monday, November 20, 2006
How Many?
Here, there and everywhere that the mentally ill are shunned and are passed over for better things- jobs, promotions: the very things we need in life to help keep us even. They say we're too unstable, wishy washy, undependable, unreliable, nuts, crazy so no one wants us. We get rejected time and again yet we still try. Why?We have something to give willingly. Yea, we give up a lot, but we also learn a lot and pick ourselves up a lot more than the normal folk of the world. We would make good employees, those promotions we would serve them well, we're willing to take those opportunities at being productive people.Sure, we're not always happy go lucky and positive as those who have bypassed would want, but there's a lot more good in us others refuse to even search for.We're dealing with constant chaotic monsters living within our very minds. We have much bigger burdens than normals. Yet we're expected to cope well and act, look, think and feel normal at all times.No listens and no one cares. Except when we get in their hair. No wonder there are so many people having breakdowns. Way too much is put on us and we simply have limits which are not to be crossed at any time.I would have made a good this or that had I been given the chance.
I was commenting to AG, Laart and PV when I realized I had a worthwhile entry for once...
I wonder ... how many steps back do we have to take before we're accepted?
How many years of our life do we need to fight before we're finally heard, accepted and given chances?
How many struggles do we need to endure before we win a fight against society? How many blogs will I go through before someone who is in a position to help change things will?
How many friends will we lose before we find that one best friend who has learned who we really are and accepts us fully?
How many times will we cry ourselves to sleep before someone hears and wipes our tears?
How many times will we attempt suicide and fail, only to have that one final success before someone realizes the loss of us?
How many times do we really need to ask for the help we know is out there for others before it finally becomes available for us too? When it's too late?
How many illness episodes will we have before society accepts mental disorders for the illnesses they truly are and wakes up and accepts them as they do cancer, heart disease, even AIDS?
How many sleepless nights will we endure before someone finally cares and rocks us to sleep? How many more illnesses will be accepted before mental illness, too, is accepted?
How many people who are in a position to help make a difference won't read my words because they're above them? -OR- How many will actually read my words and won't see them written by a worthwhile person, but see someone whom they believe to belong in the dregs of society?
How many hypocritical and judgemental people are in the world anyway?
How many people with lesser experience and qualifications will get our jobs, promotions, etc because those who make the choice chose not to choose to really see us? How many more questions do I have to ask before someone answers?
I was commenting to AG, Laart and PV when I realized I had a worthwhile entry for once...
I wonder ... how many steps back do we have to take before we're accepted?
How many years of our life do we need to fight before we're finally heard, accepted and given chances?
How many struggles do we need to endure before we win a fight against society? How many blogs will I go through before someone who is in a position to help change things will?
How many friends will we lose before we find that one best friend who has learned who we really are and accepts us fully?
How many times will we cry ourselves to sleep before someone hears and wipes our tears?
How many times will we attempt suicide and fail, only to have that one final success before someone realizes the loss of us?
How many times do we really need to ask for the help we know is out there for others before it finally becomes available for us too? When it's too late?
How many illness episodes will we have before society accepts mental disorders for the illnesses they truly are and wakes up and accepts them as they do cancer, heart disease, even AIDS?
How many sleepless nights will we endure before someone finally cares and rocks us to sleep? How many more illnesses will be accepted before mental illness, too, is accepted?
How many people who are in a position to help make a difference won't read my words because they're above them? -OR- How many will actually read my words and won't see them written by a worthwhile person, but see someone whom they believe to belong in the dregs of society?
How many hypocritical and judgemental people are in the world anyway?
How many people with lesser experience and qualifications will get our jobs, promotions, etc because those who make the choice chose not to choose to really see us? How many more questions do I have to ask before someone answers?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
A fucking bipolar enlightenment
This is for all those holier than thou, high and mighty fuckers who can't give a rats ass about those people who weren't born as perfect as they.
Living with bipolar disorder sucks! In case you missed a keyword, DISORDER might tell your ignorant ass something. Disorder means something is wrong. It does NOT mean we chose to live with BP.
Bipolar disorder means we live life on a severe high, or a severe low. Both of those sides wreak havoc in our lives because neither is normal. Especially not as normal as you perfect folk.
Many people with BP drink, do drugs, molest kids, kill people, gamble, kill themselves, shop till their bank account drops, hurt theirselves, miss work, miss school, steal from others, and the list can and does go on.
Does that make them bad people? Their actions are bad, and the bipolar allows them to justify their behavior.
For example, with me, my bad thing is gambling. I can go years without spending a penny, then my brain will shift gears and I'll have the rent spent in a day. Somehow, my brain justifies it by telling me I just got paid, I have extra money, I'll win it back, and etc.
After the money is gone, I crash and I crash hard. I turn almost normal in that I realize I fucked up and I feel like shit for what I did.
Until the next time.
We live to extremes. Sometimes, my house is immaculate with nary a speck of dust to be found, and everything in it's proper place.
Then, I get days like yesterday and today where i've crashed and I'm surrounded by trash. It takes all I can just to move from one room to another; forget about cleaning up.
I do really well for months sometimes, Then I crash and it all goes to shit. I get migraines, I can't make it to work, I don't bother calling in because, at that moment, I just don't care about the next second. The house goes to shit, the kids run wild and the dog doesn't get fed.
It's that much more difficult to face the next day when I can make it to work and I'm ashamedly explaining to my boss why I failed to make it, failed to call in, trying to explain how it is living with this disorder and why we do the things we do.
I'm on *counting all the med bottles in front of me*... 5 daily morning meds, one daily throughout for headaches, 5 daily nighttime meds, and 3-5 as needed meds.
2 nighttime meds are for sleep alone otherwise i'd never get to sleep early enough to wake my ass up at 5am for work.
I must be alone. I have no friends and prefer it that way. I don't want anyone calling me, knocking on my door or anything. When I'm in crash mode, watch the fuck out. I can just as easily stick a fork in your ass- you're done- as I can say hiya.
When I'm in manic mode, not only am I nice as a french whore getting paid, but I'm also dangerous: dangerous at work, on the road, at the house, anywhere and anytime I'm reckless and dangerous because I'm going a bazillion miles a second.
No one minds that. No one has shit to say when we're manic because shit is getting done and we're not bothering anyone.
Fuck, but when we crash- it's bad enough we have to pick up our pieces, but we also gotta hear it from everyone and their fucking relatives about what a loser we are.
Get over it, they say. Give me your magic fucking fairy wand, wave it and see what the fuck happens. I'll bet my last dollar won't shit happen- except you'll prove what a dumbass you are.
Get over yourself, and if you haven't a fucking clue, quit projecting, get a clue and shut the fuck up.
Living with bipolar disorder sucks! In case you missed a keyword, DISORDER might tell your ignorant ass something. Disorder means something is wrong. It does NOT mean we chose to live with BP.
Bipolar disorder means we live life on a severe high, or a severe low. Both of those sides wreak havoc in our lives because neither is normal. Especially not as normal as you perfect folk.
Many people with BP drink, do drugs, molest kids, kill people, gamble, kill themselves, shop till their bank account drops, hurt theirselves, miss work, miss school, steal from others, and the list can and does go on.
Does that make them bad people? Their actions are bad, and the bipolar allows them to justify their behavior.
For example, with me, my bad thing is gambling. I can go years without spending a penny, then my brain will shift gears and I'll have the rent spent in a day. Somehow, my brain justifies it by telling me I just got paid, I have extra money, I'll win it back, and etc.
After the money is gone, I crash and I crash hard. I turn almost normal in that I realize I fucked up and I feel like shit for what I did.
Until the next time.
We live to extremes. Sometimes, my house is immaculate with nary a speck of dust to be found, and everything in it's proper place.
Then, I get days like yesterday and today where i've crashed and I'm surrounded by trash. It takes all I can just to move from one room to another; forget about cleaning up.
I do really well for months sometimes, Then I crash and it all goes to shit. I get migraines, I can't make it to work, I don't bother calling in because, at that moment, I just don't care about the next second. The house goes to shit, the kids run wild and the dog doesn't get fed.
It's that much more difficult to face the next day when I can make it to work and I'm ashamedly explaining to my boss why I failed to make it, failed to call in, trying to explain how it is living with this disorder and why we do the things we do.
I'm on *counting all the med bottles in front of me*... 5 daily morning meds, one daily throughout for headaches, 5 daily nighttime meds, and 3-5 as needed meds.
2 nighttime meds are for sleep alone otherwise i'd never get to sleep early enough to wake my ass up at 5am for work.
I must be alone. I have no friends and prefer it that way. I don't want anyone calling me, knocking on my door or anything. When I'm in crash mode, watch the fuck out. I can just as easily stick a fork in your ass- you're done- as I can say hiya.
When I'm in manic mode, not only am I nice as a french whore getting paid, but I'm also dangerous: dangerous at work, on the road, at the house, anywhere and anytime I'm reckless and dangerous because I'm going a bazillion miles a second.
No one minds that. No one has shit to say when we're manic because shit is getting done and we're not bothering anyone.
Fuck, but when we crash- it's bad enough we have to pick up our pieces, but we also gotta hear it from everyone and their fucking relatives about what a loser we are.
Get over it, they say. Give me your magic fucking fairy wand, wave it and see what the fuck happens. I'll bet my last dollar won't shit happen- except you'll prove what a dumbass you are.
Get over yourself, and if you haven't a fucking clue, quit projecting, get a clue and shut the fuck up.
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